Britt-Arnhild's House in the Woods

A time for…….

@brittarnhild

There is a time for everything. Again and again I preach this, for myself, in my diary, for my friends, for my blog reader. And again and again I realize that I am my own worst enemy. A time for everything! Okay! And I talk about the importance of time for silence, for serenity, for recharging. A time for everything! And again and again I continue to do! To fill my life to the brim.....and beyond! To cheat myself to believe that I can manage everything.

A time for everything.
But when will I learn that in "everything" is also the times when I am set aside. Voluntary or involuntary.

I am home from work today. A day off in an attempt to reduce a few of the many extra hours I have been working this autumn. I started the day with making a long list of things I should do during the day. That was hours again.

Since then I have done.......

......well, nothing!

And actually, it kind of feels good.

The list is still there. It will never run away. And if I don´t manage to cross out one single thing......life will still go on. Laughter. Tears. Joy. Sorrow. Anger. Thanfulness. Love. The rainbow of feelings will still frame my life. And God´s promises will still be here.

 

And I am still an apprentice in this business of life.

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It is Advent. This year I am sharing my Nativities over in Caffe Avec.

 

 

Illustrations

@brittarnhild

"You know BrittArnhild" my colleage said to me the other day, "we can skip the images and just post the words. Or we can use images only some of the days. I really believe it will be too much work for us to illustrate them all"

After all these years and my colleage doesn´t know me better? Who am I to turn my back to such a challenge. I cleared my throat, steadied my grip on the telephone and replied:" Of course we can find photos for all the days. Leave it to me. Let me look at the reflections, give me a few days, and I´ll be there"

My colleage and I are doing an advent project for our website. Every day through advent we will post passage from the Bible and a reflection written by one of the deans or the pastors in our diocese. The reflections are coming in now, and we are preparing the publishing.

And I am enjoying looking through my 20.000+ iPhotos for suitable, meaningful illustrations.

 

 

Isn´t this what I do all the time.....

 

When the world was new

@brittarnhild

I was out on the road before dawn, leaving the deanery behind, heading south, heading home. Light came slowly as I drove. I was alone in the car and had to consentrate on the icy roads, but again and again I was distracted by the pure beauty which manifested itself all around me.

Several times I stopped the car and let the pure beauty unfold before me. "This must be what the world looked like on its seventh day" I told myself. "When God looked at his creation and saw that it was good"

I had been there for a long time when a serpent came creeping. I started to feel my cold feet, my thirst, my hunger, my tiredness after too many too long work days. "Beauty, all right" I told myself, "but there are car accidents on these slippery roads, people are freezing, my cousin is dying of cancer, my friend is grieving after her daughter´s suicide, the people in The Philippines and in Syria are suffering....."

It was like the beauty around me faded.
"Why, God?"
"Where are you God?"

 I continued driving, questions whirling in my head, in my heart.

After a while I could hear the voice of the old pastor from my youth, the words he gave me when I struggled with these questions:

"God doesn´t want everything which happens, but he can always do something with it". The voice continued, now it was a friend talking: "If you sometimes miss God´s hand over your life, never ever forget that his other hand is always under you, carrying you"

 

I drove on, my tears running freely.

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All photos are from yesterday´s drive from Otterøya, Namsos, to Trondheim and The House in the Woods

 

 

The Water Pump

@brittarnhild

Some days I feel all dried up. Like all water has been twisted out of me. Like I have been giving and giving, completely forgetting to fill up. Without water my energy dies, my palette consist of mostly dark colours, the few remaining colours disappear into the canvas refusing to show.

 

Still an apprentice, I am on the road of learning to refill. Learning to stop. To pick up the colours. To mix them. Blend them. Dip my brush into them. Paint. Be proud of what I make. Share.

Then bend down and drink another mouthful.

Yes, still an apprentice. But I am learning an important lesson:

to find the water pump, the well

to stop there

to drink

 

and let the water of life fill me

 

 

 The first photos are from Assisi.
Then there are two from the garden of Il Rosario, a monastery where I use to stay when in Rome, and the last one is from somewhere in Rome.......

The tree in the cathedral park

@brittarnhild

I must have passed the tree hundreds of times as it stands there alone somewhere in the cathedral park. The park is big and I love it. Love to walk through it in the mornings and afternoons, before and after work. Love to watch it from my office window. Love to follow the seasons. Like the fallen leaves now when the days are short, before snow covers the ground.

Some days I walk in my own throughts. Worries, sorrows, contentment, happiness, anger, joy. I bring them all with me. Work them through. Let the walk do the work.

Most days I walk with a camera. Usually my cell phone. Some days my pocket Canon. Other days my more advanced Nikon.

Today I felt tired. Only Monday and you are already worn out, was what went through my mind.

Don´t let your responsibilities weight you down, I tried to tell myself.

Then, like a whisper in the air, the old tree addressed me.
Look at me, it said. I have met life, for better and worse. I have bathed in the sun, strong winds have bent me down. Snow, hails, rain have fought with my branches. I have not managed to stand erect through the fights of life. But I have managed to stand. I am still standing.

 

I stopped.
I listened.

I let the whisper creep into me.

I circled the tree several times, and it was like I saw it for the first time. Really saw it. With the eyes of my heart.

The tree´s whisper filled me.
I felt stronger. More whole.

Life has more than sunny days to offer.
And life´s offerings give us strength.

And beauty.

 

Memories and wandering thoughts

@brittarnhild

On my way to Svartlamon, the area which I presented in yesterday´s post, I walked through Lademoen. In the 80ies I worked here as a deacon, my job was to visit old, lonely people.

I was young then. Married for a few years only, the mother of two wonderful small boys. This was my first job. A fumbling start, but soon I loved it. I loved the life in the huge old church, I loved my colleagues, but most of all I loved the visits. The people I met. The lives I was shown. The tales I was told.

I remember one sweet, old lady. Every time she wanted me to visit her she called the church office; "Hi, can you send the girl up to me?"

The Girl! I was 27! I felt so mature........
......and it must have been around that time the church secretary found my first grey hair.....

So many lives became alive to me as I walked around. All these people are dead now, and I wonder - are they still remembered, where are their lives now, how do we bring history forward, how do we bring the people we meet with us?

Some of the houses at Lademoen have small signs, telling about one of the persons who has lived in the house.

But what about all the others?

And my thoughts wander......

.....what about my own life.
Where will I be in 10 years? In 25?
After my death?

 

 

Appropriate thoughts on the day before Halloween, or what?

Well, one thing I know for sure though.
I am living today, I am living here and now,
and I also know that I am living the life God has given me to live

 

.......though from time to time it is hard to know which direction to chose in a multitude of crossroads........not to talk about roundabouts.

 

 

In my journal

@brittarnhild

 

I am a journal writer. Have been so all my life, ever since I learned to write at the age of five.

 

This week I have been given some time to step aside, in solitude. With me I have my black moleskin, a set of felt pens, a few pencils, a paintbox. I am reading old entries. I am writing new ones.

 

A blue background, a chessboard, a rose growing.......... or fading........ letters are gathered into words, words into sentences, into tales......... Tales? No, to me they look more like life lived and loved.

 

Time to be

@brittarnhild

Sitting at my desk playing with editing some photos, images of leaves from our Japanese maple.
Together with me is my journal and a feltpen. Together with me is time. Is silence.

The need to be creative is deep rooted in all of us, but in our busy everyday lives we too easily forget to water the roots, to nurture them, to let them grow. The lesson I have given myself this month is to give creativity time. Time to grow. Time to strengthen. Time to florish. Time to follow the seasons. 

My pilgrimage lesson.

Time to be.

 

 

I want rings of gold

@brittarnhild

A fish is jumping, catching a fly. Rings are spreading in the water.

A silver haired woman is out hiking, enjoying the lovely autumn day. A fish jumping catches her attention.

Her camera gets busy and rings are spreading in the silver haired woman´s mind.

A smile shared makes rings of affection.
Meeting the eyes of a dear friend.
A word of love.

Indifference. Anger. Hurting words. Unseeing eyes, a closed heart.
Too easily the dark spread as well. 

 

 

I don´t want the surface of my water to be smooth. 
I want rings which makes a positive difference..

Rings of gold.

 

Still my Soul God

@brittarnhild

If she had not stilled
her own soul
like a weaned child
on the breast of God

If she had not learned
to touch presence
in emptiness

If she had not attuned
her inner ear
to the heartbeat
of God
or the whir of wings

Would she have even
noticed the angel?

 

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Sitting here with a restless heart, there is a couple of things I am working with, my eyes lifted and saw a card on my desk. A blue card with words written by Sr Sheryl Frances Chen ocso, at Tautra Monastery.

 

 

I have glued the card into my diary now, and have added my own prayer:

Still my soul God.
Make me notice the angel.