@brittarnhild
I got a long and caring email by a good friend last night. "Britt-Arnhild, forgive me for saying so, but are you sure you are okay? I am caring for you and from what I see you are too tired just now........" Only minutes before the email came, I sat down in one of the comfortable armchairs in the living room, asking myself: "What is this? Why am I so tired? Why do I feel so sad? Where is my joy for the coming Christmas?"
Of course we have had a very special period, culminating with the death and the funeral of my father in law. Of course I had a lot of good reasons to feel tired, to feel low. But it kind of felt more than that. My friend´s email continued, and all of a sudden I saw myself in another light. In the light of someone who loves me, who cares for me, and has the wisdom to speak up, the wisdom to tell.
While Terje and Marta were busy in the kitchen baking Christmas cookies, I sat there, I let my mind wander, I permitted myself some rest. There is a "thing" going on on facebook right now, you can press on a link and in a blink of an eye facebook makes a short video of your 2014 on facebook. I have not pressed that link, but now I pressed a button in my own heart instead, with good help from my friend´s email. Looking back I saw that somewhere along the road I had forgotten to bring something essential with me. Something related to joy, beauty, purpose, love.......
I need to go back and find it. I need to tell myself that it has not been lost, it is only hidden and just now the main purpose in my life is to go back and find it.
"Britt-Arnhild, why and when did you stop looking for beauty in every day?" I asked myself. It might be the darkness of the winter months, it might be the death of my father in law and the hospital stay of my own father, it might be the busy scedule I´ve had the last few months, it might be the cold I am having just now..........but none of these are excuses. Several times over the past years I´ve written about me being an apprentice of life. As an apprentice I can´t just let myself float along. I have a job to do. A purpose to live.
"You must go back to looking for beauty all around you again" I continued, and remembered that I have not used my good friend Nikon for a long time. "But beauty now when everything is so dark" I mused.
Then my ears suddenly took in some noise, some laughter, some chatting, some smell from the kitchen..........and beauty came to me.
