text and images britt-arnhild
I have said it before, I say it again, or rather, I try to say it again: I want to live the rainbow. And all its colours. All the bright colours; love, joy, pleasure, contentment, anticipation, sharing......I know them all. The darker colours; sadness, sorrow, depression, longing, frustration, despair, anger....yes, ANGER are more unknown to me. I don´t feel safe dealing with them.
I am thankful that these emotions, these experiences are not parts of my daily life. Still, to be a full human, you need to know how to deal with the whole rainbow. I don´t want to be colourblind.
You, my dear readers, have many advices to give. Reasonable advices, developed though experience, through life.
I read them, again and again. And I try to learn.
Like the one - write a letter, but don´t send it.......... ok, I did write a letter. It was one of the first things I did (after and during some hot, angry crying). But what did I do? Yes, I pushed the send button.......
I do regret it now, the morning after. Though at the same time I don´t regret it.
I needed to tell my version of what happened. I was and I am in my right to tell my version.
If I had not pushed the send button, I could have smiled today, tried to smile, walked on, trying to do my very best, trying to forget.
Now the email is sent. I have to stand for what I´ve written. I can´t hide my anger.
The day will be much more difficult.
I will be forced to explain my feelings, my way of seeing, of experiencing the whole situation.
The easiest thing today would be to drag the duvet over my head, hide in my bed, refuse to face the day.
But that´s not an option. Of course it is not.
I am out of bed, ready for another day. Facing my anger.
And with the help of God, this will bring me forward.
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Do you remember the photos?
Yes, Venice last summer, with Mauro and Barbara.
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Thank you, from the deepest of my heart, for your comments and emails on yesterday´s post.
